When "Christians" Aren't Very Nice!

*photo by Christart.com

I've heard the word "carnal" since ever I became a "Christian". I looked up the definition today and for the first time. If memory serves me correctly that is. It's a nasty definition if you ask me but I'll let you judge it for yourself. If you haven't ever looked it up, now might be a good time. :)

Don't you hate it when Christians aren't very nice? I do. I can't stand it. There's only one thing worse than when a Christian isn't very nice and that's when I'm not very nice. I can't stand to be around me when I get "carnal" let alone expect anyone else to stand me either. I can get nasty if you push me hard enough. I'll tell you what. I do have a temper. I've had a temper all my life but I matured and learned to control it. Every once in a while though, I do explode but it's only because I've been deeply hurt. By deeply, I mean deeply. When you see me fly off the handle, then know this, you've hurt me. You really have.

If that's not enough, it's the remorse I feel afterward that really gets to me. I can almost feel the Lord's tears and it breaks my heart to know that I have broken His. He didn't raise me to be this way. Rather, I'm convinced He'd have me bring my hurt to Him then come apart at the seams like I do. On occasion, mind you, nonetheless, I do. (I could use a really good editor here.) By now, you've probably figured it out that I'm going through a relationship meltdown. Oh, not my husband, I promise you that. He's been an amazing support to me. Nonetheless, it is affecting me. I could bring it all here but that wouldn't be very "Christian" of me. I've had to let this one go because it's something only the Lord can fix. It hasn't been for lack of my trying though. Okay, trying or interfering? I'm not sure which.

What gets to me is the condemnation and guilt that follows a blow-up. The constant oppression with the affirmations/reminders of how less than Christ-like I am. Isn't it nice that there are folks out there that don't hesitate to point out your shortcomings, flaws, blunders, etc. lest you forget. :) I thought it took two to forgive, forget and move on. It's difficult when one wants to harbor a grudge and the other wants things to be like they once were but with a renewed understanding that there are boundaries just the same. Sometimes, somedays I don't like people. I'm being honest. I really don't. Most days I do, thankfully. Some people make me so mad I could just spit. I'm sure that none of you have ever felt this way. :)