Crying in the Diaper Aisle Part 2

*photo by Christart.com

You're back! Me too. Thanks!

You've heard the term "Bridezilla". Well, let me tell you what! When I was put on fertility drugs, you'd rather be with a Bridezilla. Honestly, talk about emotional roller coaster ride. Oof Dah! There were days when I couldn't stand to be around me. One moment I'm as happy as a cat in a dairy barn and the next I'm ready to rumble. The bright side was that I found a courage to stand up to a few jerks that I might not have stood up to before those treatments.

Every treatment was high risk. Every disappointment from a "monthly visitor" was like a death. The first treatment I was congratulated on twins. Imagine my joy! (Please take time to imagine it because I could probably be here all day writing about it and that wouldn't be fair to you.) Now, try to imagine being told that the second "monthly visitor" was not a monthly visitor but a miscarriage. I walked through the infamous waiting room. It was the waiting room where some couples who have tried for years sat and others were on the verge of giving up too. How unfair and wrong it was that two floors up, they were murdering unborn babies. Babies with heart beats. (It had to be God that restrained me from going up that elevator and giving those folks on that floor a piece of my mind.) I drove myself to the mall instead and wandered for awhile. The next thing I found myself in Zellers (I was living in Canada at the time) crying in the diaper aisle. I failed my husband. My boss was losing her patience with me as was her boss. Every time I saw a baby, my heart hurt and sometimes it was excruciating. I just couldn't go through that anymore. It was too painful. I opened my heart to the possibility of having a child and had the door slammed in my face. It felt like I could have filled an ocean with all of the tears I've cried over not having children.

Okay, enough sadness. Let's move on. You see? That's just it. I have the luxury of being able to move on. I know so many don't and that's where the insensitivity comes in. I can be a jerk sometimes, honestly. There are so many people who would give anything to be able to change a diaper. I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. I'll stop here and continue with Part 3.